Now I Lay Me Down To Sleep

Where do I even begin? I want to share about an experience I had a couple days ago, but to be honest, I am not sure what words to choose. I really don’t think my mind, body and soul has really processed the whole thing yet. But I’ll share what comes to me. And what I feel is appropriate to share here.
It all starts about a year an a half ago when I decided, through much prayer, to start shooting on a professional level. I knew/know without a doubt that any amount of ability I have as far as creating a great photograph comes directly from the One who made me. I know He gave me the passion, ability and drive to do what I do. So when I started thinking of Defining Details Photography I felt a tad guilty and self-seeking. Here I wanted to use the gift God gave me for self-fulfillment and profit. I wrestled with this for a while, but knew that if God had planted the passion in me there was a reason. I also, from that moment, have been praying that He would give me opportunities to use the gift for His work, not just mine. I honestly didn’t know what he would lead me to, but I knew it would be beyond measure in my mind. Of course, I dream of going back to Africa again and taking amazing portraits of the beautiful children there. But there I go dreaming selfishly ;).
So jump a year ahead to March of 08. I spent a week in Vegas surrounded by other very passionate photographers. The one thing I took home more than any amount of technical or business knowledge was how important it is for those of us in this field to use our skills to give back. I was floored by all the amazing things some of these ‘greats’ do to give of their service and time. But the one speaker who made me loose it in a puddle of tears was Sandy Puc, an amazing business woman and photographer, but more than that, an amazing human being. She shared of an organization she co-founded with a greiving mother after one incredibly heartbreaking session. I almost immediately got out of my seat and when to sign on the doted line to join the hundreds of other photographers who volunteer for NILMDTS. As I filled out all the information I kept saying to myself….I know I don’t have the strength at all to do this, but I have to. And the cool thing is…my God has the strength and plenty of it to share with me.
Now I Lay Me Down To Sleep is a non-profit organization that offers bereavement photography to families who have babies that are either still-born or die shortly after birth. And sometimes the babies are even older and will be taken off life-support. Although this may sound morbid, the healing power of these photographs is amazingly powerful for the families going through the worst possible situations.
Three weeks ago the phone rings. It was from a woman who found my phone number on the NILMDTS site and wanted to hear more about what photography service I would provide. She was expecting a sweet baby boy any day. This little boy had a genetic disorder that he would not survive from. (I don’t want to go into too many details for privacy reasons.) This little life was not expected to go to full term and the doctors had told her he would most likely not even be able to take a breath after he is born. So for this situation she wanted me to be there for his birth just in case there was a few seconds of life that I could capture. I hung up the phone and started praying for that Strength. Three weeks went by of checking in with her to see how things were and finally on Thursday I got the call. I raced 45 miles to get there in plenty of time. I spent the next 8 hours of my life experiencing Grace, Hope, Miracles, Pain, Life and Dying. I was able to capture this amazing birth and 4 hours of his little life. Yes, he lived 4 miraculous hours, he died only 20 minutes after I left. I could physically feel God’s strength and Love in that room the whole time. I couldn’t have done it without that. It was the greatest experience…in the saddest of situations. That sounds strange…but it was real.

I hesitate to post about this as well as to leave the comments open on this post. I hesitate because, at the risk of sounding arrogant, I don’t want this to turn in to praising me for what I did. I did nothing, except make myself available and take the pictures. The praise for this should go to:
~First and foremost our God who creates opportunities to see and experience how every single precious life no matter how small or short is a blessing and has a purpose, even in the most heart-wrenching circumstances.
~The mother of this sweet boy who loved him with every fiber of her being…and made the decision to see this pregnancy to full term knowing that there was only a very slight chance that she would be able to hold him alive outside of her womb and knowing she would not be leaving the hospital with him.
~The nurses and doctor who gave such compassionate care to her and the baby and the rest of us there. Who shared in the joy of it as well as cried with us all through the pain.
~To NILMDTS for providing an amazing opportunity for photographers to help in the healing process for families all over the country.
~And to sweet little baby A who was a fighter and gave it his every little breath to hold on so his mama could hold him and hear his quiet voice for four hours, until he passed from her arms to the arms of Jesus.
I will never be the same again. I feel so blessed to have shared in this experience and I hope to be able to bring NILMDTS to the hospital closer to home. So no I don’t need praise…but I do need much prayer for my future with these sessions.